"I hear the world's on fire
and I don't even smoke"
the flight attendant failed to laugh
at my off-color joke
Now I'm grounded in Atlanta
without my carry-on
I guess Ohio's got my suitcase
my one-way ticket's gone
I understand it now ma'am,
you've made it loud and clear,
there's no one I can count on
to have a sense of humor 'round here.

This quarantine-age-riot
is enough to drive me mad,
I'm sending ransom letters
back home to mom and dad
I'm under so much pressure
I think I'm gonna pop
My best friend got arrested
for selling flour to a cop
he didn't have much sense
now it's 90 days of fear
I'm pretty sure it's not against the law
to bake a cake around...

Here I go again playing myself
laughing at nothing as I'm spinning around
I'm shaking and cursing at nothing at all
I may lose my marbles but I'm having a ball

I wish I were Madonna
then I could express myself
Gotta make the message clearer
if not for my mental health
It's lonely out here waiting
for the world to fix its ways
I'm out here counting sheep
like an inmate counting days
It's better just to get sloshed
and watch Hulu on the couch
order in from Taco Bell
start your foaming from the mouth
I could drive my ass to Texas
I hear it's warmer in the South
I think I'll just sit here
crack a beer and lay about 'round here