Well the lights went down in Houston
The bars are all closed
There’s locks on the doors
And bars on the windows

So no one creeps in on you
Late at night
Fucking your flatscreen
Or watching your wife

The faint smell of piss as I
Walk down the street
The homeless man muttering
Through 3 crooked teeth

And the frat boys and rednecks
And gaybashin’ goons
The methheads and junkies
With crusted up spoons

(But there’s no place that I’d rather be
Lovin’ in the land of the free
Texas, Oh babe can’t you please
Wrap your big dumb arms ’round me?)

From the wannabe gangsters
To the broken down whores
To the grocery store clerk
With a face full of sores

From goofy Joel Osteen
And his bible totin’ friends
To surburbanite housewives
With cellulite bends

To the Pageant Queen Angels
I never did bed
And their CEO husbands
that give real lousy head

All the closet-case preachers
And Aliens too
And the beer chugging racists
From the klans of the ku
(chorus)

It’s teen mother central
And the home of the brave
Where no buffalo roam
But the Rockets still play

And the cops’ll all greet you
With their pistols and sticks
It’s just highway graffitti saying
“Come suck our dicks!”

Houston’s a husband
That you can’t ever leave
Cause he'll black both your eyes
And knock out your teeth

It’s cowboy hats and hoodies
Bibles and beer
It’s rebel flag stickers
And xenophobic fear

It’s bigass beer and whiskey
Titty dancers too
It’s Saturday nights
With nothing to do

It’s gangfights at nightclubs
It’s a thousand degrees
It’s hell or highwater
It’s roaches and bees

It's boarded up houses
and boarded up stores
it's dead-malls and crack-dens
if you're lookin' to score

She's a lover and fighter
that's armed to the teeth
with a novelty pair of
truck nuts underneath

From Grandmas in fastlanes
To assholes in trucks
With union-made stickers
Saying “Socialists Suck”

It’s prayer in the classroom
It’s peace and it’s war
It’s parking enforcement
It’s less and it’s more